PinkTober

I just finished reading this article on breast cancer and consumerism on Salon.

A large part of me is very inclined to agree with it.

You see, my mother died from breast cancer two years ago. She didn't have any real "risk factors", was healthy and only 53 years old. She wasn't even sick for very long, and was initially diagnosed as having a cancer that was "easily treatable". But she died anyway.

Until very recently, seeing all the pink things that you could buy made me outrageously angry, like, why should I spend my money on reasearch that didn't do SHIT for my mom? Pink and white M&Ms can't fill the empty space that was left when I lost my mother. (And I know. I have tried. I just end up feeling fat and gross.)

Now, I feel more like I am obligated to be some kind of crusader against breast cancer, walking and pledging and dragging women to get mammograms and shit. Right here at my desk I have Breast Cancer Tissues, A Breast Cancer Ball Point Pen, A pink ribbon laptop case and awareness post-its. Some of it was given to me, and some of it I bought specifically, though I am not sure why, although I do like the color pink.

Mostly, though, I just feel sad because all the expensive cosmetics and charm bracelets and handbags can't bring back the loved ones that have been lost to the disease and I honestly can't believe that all this money is really bringing us closer to "a cure." I sort of believe that cancer is just fate, like a plane crash or a natural disaster: wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry. See ya. And there really isn't anything you can do about it. Lance Armstrong had to win the Tour de France five more times before he could die. Fate isn't necessarily fair, you know?

And the part that really bugs me is part of what Salon hits on: spending money on pink stuff is a way to make Americans feel good without actually having to DO anything. It's a bit like Mr. Show's definition of charity: It's stuff you do when other people are watching. And it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to, i don't know, clean up the environment and stop spewing out so many damn carcniogens, right?