The Time of Year Where I'm Cruel to Be Kind

I took Underfoot to the groomer to get her yearly haircut, and to strip her completely of dignity. I swear, everytime I do this she comes back looking even more ridiculous than the last time. And also 66% smaller. But honestly, look at that tail! I am a bad bad person.



Ninja agrees with me.

The Thing I Really Hate About PMS

Is how it convinces me that it's ok to eat a Twix bar AND THEN go and get an Italian Chicken sandwich from Burger King. Oh, and the headaches.

My job has been annoying me so much lately. Specifically, the guy who mumbles and doesn't finish his sentences and then somehow expects me to know what the hell he wants. (Sidenote: I usually DO know what he wants, or hope that he forgets about whatever it was he asked me, which happens pretty frequently. Thank god.)

Last night I played a game of Pictionary where I was supposed to draw JIMMY CARTER. How the hell does one draw Jimmy Carter?

Thursday 13

13 Things I Will Never Stop Eating Even Though They Are NOT Good For Me

1. Cheeseburgers

2. French Fries

3. Onion Rings, especially beer batter.

4. Ice Cream, especially with candy pieces mixed in.

5. Peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. Hey, it's my state sandwich!

6. Chinese take-out. Oh General Gau, how you seduce me.

7. Burger King's Italian Chicken Sandwich. Why is it not available ALL THE TIME? (Although, I should have my heart and thighs send a thank you note for that.)

8. Snickers bars. They really do satisfy me.

9. Nachos. Especially the one chip that has ALL THE CHEESE on it.

10. Diet Coke. No, I don't care that it's poison.

11. Pie. All varieties. Especially when the crust is made of lard.

12. Cookies. Especially the M&M ones from Shaw's.

13. Swedish Fish. Oh Lord.

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Everyday is like survival; you're my lover not my rival

Under the files of it's officially too hot is: TODAY.

Although I have to say that last night's decision to put in the air conditioner was, in fact, a sound one. I woke up to Ninja curled up around my feet instead of flopped liquidly on the kitchen floor.

I spent the majority reading this insane blog that I somehow stumbled across. Crazy to the Maxx. This woman is ENRAGED because she sometimes gets overcharged FOUR CENTS and doesn't get anything for FREE. And only an "I'm sorry." Also, she has a very detailed list of rules for how she expects to be served at a bar, like not talking to another cutomer while making her White Russian. I couldn't stop reading. I still can't. FOUR CENTS!!!

My life is a series of illegal left turns

Often on Mass Ave. in Boston.

This weekend Mike H., (I have to specify as there are about 345832782 Mikes in my social circle) Ben and I went climbing. Or rather we tried to climb and instead got disgustingly hot and ravaged by mosquitos for a few hours before going to the beach. We ended up in Manchester-by-the-Sea, (I can't stop saying that out loud) where we found free parking and managed to sneak onto the beach undetected and thereby avoiding the $5 admission fee. Stealthy and cheap! Or more accurately, we just walked by the attendant who looked at us quizzically for a second before returning his attention to the people who were paying.

It was blazingly hot. So hot that we almost melted before we could dive headfirst into the ocean, which was about 8 degrees. But oh so refreshing. We slathered on some of Ben's "factor 50" which prevented me from getting a terrible sunburn, and had I reapplied it, would have prevented me from getting a minor sunburn as well, and spent the afternoon lazing about and talking about nothing with some of Ben's co-workers (one of whom is another Mike and who we used to climb with when he climbed; he is curently either retired or on sabbatical, tbd.) and snacking. It was such a lovely afternoon I forgot all about the mosquito bites and sweaty attempts at climbing. Success!

I have been spending a good amount of time at the beach lately. I was at the Cape last week with my family for the annual Family Fish Fry and Hearts For Blood Card Tournament. Morgan and I also fulfilled a longstanding dream to have tea at the Dunbar Tea House. It was everything we had hoped for: finger sandwiches, scones, tea cozies and bitchy women of a certain age. Luckily for us, Morgan had recently watched a show on the Travel Channel on how to have tea and not appear gauche, so we knew to eat from the bottom up on, take small bites and save the chocolate for last. I enjoyed some really lovely aged Stilton and slathered everything in strawberry jam. Mmmmmm. Sticky.

Back. And as lame as ever.

Life Experiences Meme

Bold the ones you've done..

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne.
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (When haven't I done this?)
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing (I know, can you believe it?)
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (Hell no!)
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents (actually, Mom was cremated...)
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children.
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (Not the whole thing...)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read. (Uh, yeah. All the time.)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions (But I don't seem to have any.)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life (If you count stopping Emily from getting hit by a cab, then yes.)