The AllMighty Schooligan Comes Face to Face With Her Own Mortality

My perfectly choreographed week went directly to hell Weds. night when I became horrifically ill. I was leaving the YMCA early so that I could take PT to Target, when I felt... a bit weird down below. Weird meaning my bladder felt like it was going to explode. I went to the bathroom and was greeted with an intensely painful pee that felt like my internal organs were going to drop into the toilet bowl.

A Fucking Urinary Tract Infection.
Great.

I dragged myself to the Fortress, and right into Jones' D&D night. Collapsing on the floor of the bathroom, I made PT come and and confirm that I was in fact peeing bloody razor blades. He obliged, but confessed that, "I don't really need to see that. I believe you."
"Yes, but just LOOK."
*Sigh*

We went to Target anyway, where I bought a huge jug of cranberry juice in the hopes of... doing something nice for my urinary tract, because obviously I had offended it in such a way that it felt the need to make me rip my face off in pain every time I had to go to the bathroom, which was about... every 45 seconds. My favorite moment, was when I was doubled over on the toilet crying and biting my lip, PT trying to take my temperature to see if I had a fever (as recommended by the internet)and one of the D&D geeks bust in to use the bathroom. "OOPS! Sorry!" and quickly slammed the door. I hollered back, "Hey! I'm trying to PISS FOR FUCKING CRITICAL HERE!"

The next twelve or so hours were spent alternately crying in bed and crying on the toilet. My doc couldn't see me until the next morning, so I boldly took a BIG ASS PAINKILLER and passed out.

At 10 am on Thursday, I arrived at my gyno's office so that I could pee in a cup and get some antibiotics. I happen to get all my womanly needs attended to by Planned Parenthood. Which, incidentally, is located next to a "Problem Pregnancy" office run by the Massachusetts Citizens for Life. Now, I am not going to get up on the abortion soapbox, I just want to say that these particular people are JERKS. Not only do they threaten to tow your car if you park behind their dumpster, but they stand outside their building, in total shouting distance from the PP parking lot and say NASTY, MEAN THINGS to people going inside. Yesterday, there were two crotchety old men shouting at me as I hobbled into the clinic. Apparently they don't care WHY you are going in, only that you ARE going in and are therefore also going to hell. I flipped them off and grunted out something about already BEING IN HELL, thank you very much. For fuck's sake, why must they pick on people who are just trying to get affordable health care? Instead of shouting at women who are PEEING BLOOD, why not spend some time lobbying for more accessible health care for low income people? (I have insurance now, but didn't for a very long time, and let me tell you routine pap smears are DAMN expensive if you don't have insurance.)

After I peed in a cup and got a prescription for some antibiotics, my sister and PT and I went to Friendly's. I am a firm believer that ice cream is CRUCIAL to my well-being. On the way there, as we were driving down Pleasant St, a really old lady pulls out RIGHT INTO ME. I managed to swerve sharply and avoid her, but barely. She never even saw me. If I hadn't had a bladder infection, I probably would have peed my pants. I pulled over to catch my breath and she pulled over as well. PT stuck his head out the window and hollered, "IS THERE A PROBLEM??? YOU ALMOST KILLED US!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE??" She apparently was deaf as well as blind and continued as though she hadn't almost made my terrible day that much worse.

This, however, helped things considerably.