Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Celebrities Who Should Go Away

1. Lindsay Lohan- We have stopped caring about your boobs, your eating disorder and your effed up family. Also, you can neither act nor sing. Peter Griffin said it best, "What do you want Lindsay? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
2. Paris Hilton- We get it. You are rich. You also like to have sex on camera. You are very stupid. Plesae stop talking.
3. Angelina Jolie- Yes, you are gorgeous. Yes, you are having a child with the most attractive man on earth. Stop making us feel ugly and go save the 3rd world.
4. Katie Holmes- You have convinced NOONE that you are either madly in love with Tom Cruise nor pregnant. Please go hunker down in the Scientology compound and stop torturing your family with your ridiculous antics.
5. Tom Cruise- You are insane. Along with your sanity, you appear to have lost your ability to act. War of the Worlds was terrible, and no amount of rewatching Risky Business, Top Gun or Jerry Maguire can erase that horrible performance from my mind.
6. Mary-Kate Olsen- So, you recovered from an eating disorder and then dropped out of college to "work on your career". Um... What career? If I remember correctly, New York Minute was a total disaster. Oh, wait. Do you mean your toothpaste line? Whatever. Oh, btw, you look like a homeless person.
7. Kevin Federline- I am loathe to even refer to you as a celebrity, but I guess you are by association. Please take your poorly dressed, slobby, white trash self and leave Britney and child alone. She used to be so cute and lively, but since she hooked up with you (For reasons that are clear to noone) she has turned into a dejected version of her former self. You have proven beyond any resonable doubt that you are a bad father, so let's give little Sean a fighting chance, ok? Go away.
8. The Rolling Stones- Your performance at the Super Bowl was abysmal. All of you, but especially Mr. Jagger. Clearly time has not been kind to you, so spare us any more of your pathetic, out of time, gyrating.
9. Jessica Simpson- You made such a big deal about saving your virginity for marriage, but then as soon as your marriage is over you are rumored to be humping the cast of Jackass. Also, that ad you did for Pizza Hut that aired during the Super Bowl? That was just tasteless. You are better than that.
10. Kelly Osbourne- Another one who is famous for practically no reason. Did you eat a live bat on stage? I didn't think so. Also, you can't sing or dress yourself. So, just quietly fade into obscurity, ok?
11. Nelly- God, your songs have always been dumb, I mean "Air Force Ones"?? Please. But you have totally outdone yourself with "Grillz". Dude, here's a secret: Bejeweled teeth do not look good. On you, or anyone else. Stop trying to create a trend for people to follow, I mean, you FINALLY got rid of the band-aid, why the backsliding?
12. Fergie and the Peas- Ok, your music has gotten progressively more ridiculous with every song. "My HUMPS?" What the hell? But for some reason I just Can't. Stop. Singing. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk... DAMMIT.
13. Dakota Fanning- You are not cute like Drew Barrymore in E.T., nor are you amazingly creepy like Kirsten Dunst in Interview with the Vampire. You are just annoying. And you can't act. (See above, re: War of the Worlds) Therefore I think that it is in everyone's best interest that you disappear and then resurface in like 5 years with a drug problem or something.

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