ABORT THE MISSION

After day 1 of the flu/fast I was forced to partake of some orange juice. And Tylenol. In my defense I didn't eat any solid food all week until Thursday night when I made my sister go to Dairy Queen with me. I had heard about the "Kit Kat Blizzard Miracle Cure" and decided to try it out. Or maybe I was simply delirious with fever. Either way it seemed to do the trick and I felt a lot better on Friday.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about "adult relationships" lately. I feel like in my life to date, most of my "relationships" have been reminiscent of playing Dream Phone c. 1996. In the game, which I totally own having purchased it at the Salvation Army for the low low price of .99, you have to call all these boys and try and figure out which one likes you. It takes ages and sometimes the boys are jerks and say things like, I know who it is, but I'm not telling, HA HA! (just like in REAL LIFE!)

As part of my plan to Keep It Great In Ought Eight, I decided I was not going to dick around on the metaphorical Dream Phone. No, instead, I was only going to talk with boys directly. Like an adult. I mean, at really fucking close to 30, I should be able to say, "You're right. I really like you!" and then get on with my life.* Keep it STRAIGHT in Oh Eight! Arrange a DATE in Oh Eight! Don't HESITATE in Oh Eight!

*The author reserves the right to continue sending drunken and obsessive text messages well into 2040.