A New Old Look At Marriage

On a recent trip to the Salvation Army, I stumbled upon what may, in fact, be the most amazing book ever written. The Modern Home Medical Adviser c. 1942 (known hereafter as "The Book"), offers a very interesting chapter (Ch. 5 "Sex Hygiene") on the subject of marriage and marital relations. After reading such gems as,
"Some girls have been lead to believe that they are under obligations to repay in ways that are destructive to morals and character. So long as the girl was entertaining in her own home, and furnishing lemonade or home-made fudge, she might bid her suitor begone when he made improper proposals;"

"The error that young people are so likely to make is to believe that parties, shows, elegant furniture and sport roadsters can bring more happiness than children."

And, finally:
"Great improvement in underwear has been made in recent years. Undergarments should be changed as often as one's finances will permit and should of course never be worn after they are definitely soiled."

I am totally on board. I mean, sure, I work, but only until "the time when...[I] shall be promoted to the much more important work of real home-making." I can't imagine anything better than not having to read any more college applications. And I'll have a clean house to boot!

My 30 List

As in, Things to do before I turn.

At the top of the list was 'Climb 5.11a'. I have actually been somewhat serious about my climbing as of late, hitting the gym semi-regularly and both climbing smartly and cranking hard when I am there. I've been successfully climbing 5.10's, a,b and c, with a few onsights to boot. So, all in all I considered myself in pretty good shape to tick an .11 by the end of April.

Went to the gym yesterday afternoon with Forrest and warmed up on an .8+, then jumped right into some .9's and easy .10's. I was a little worried that I was going to tire myself out pretty quickly, but I felt really good and I was climbing well, so I kept on keeping on. Towards the end of the evening, Forrest belayed this MIT dude up an .11a that had just been put up. It was the perfect candidate for my first attempt: a balance-y route that lead up to a lot of stemming through a wide chimney at the top. I was feeling pretty good, albeit a bit tired, so I decided to give it a go. (Also MIT dude had said that the grade was a little inflated, so I thought I might have a shot.)

About 2/3 of the way up the route, I suddenly had a thought: I'm actually going to climb this! And I did. I had a small bobble at the last move, so technically, I didn't get it clean. But I did get the move on the 2nd try. And I'll totally get it clean the next time.

Now I have absolutely no reason to turn 30. Woo hoo!

ABORT THE MISSION

After day 1 of the flu/fast I was forced to partake of some orange juice. And Tylenol. In my defense I didn't eat any solid food all week until Thursday night when I made my sister go to Dairy Queen with me. I had heard about the "Kit Kat Blizzard Miracle Cure" and decided to try it out. Or maybe I was simply delirious with fever. Either way it seemed to do the trick and I felt a lot better on Friday.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about "adult relationships" lately. I feel like in my life to date, most of my "relationships" have been reminiscent of playing Dream Phone c. 1996. In the game, which I totally own having purchased it at the Salvation Army for the low low price of .99, you have to call all these boys and try and figure out which one likes you. It takes ages and sometimes the boys are jerks and say things like, I know who it is, but I'm not telling, HA HA! (just like in REAL LIFE!)

As part of my plan to Keep It Great In Ought Eight, I decided I was not going to dick around on the metaphorical Dream Phone. No, instead, I was only going to talk with boys directly. Like an adult. I mean, at really fucking close to 30, I should be able to say, "You're right. I really like you!" and then get on with my life.* Keep it STRAIGHT in Oh Eight! Arrange a DATE in Oh Eight! Don't HESITATE in Oh Eight!

*The author reserves the right to continue sending drunken and obsessive text messages well into 2040.

Master Cleanse Day 1: The best laid plans

In a moment of collective health-consciousness (or collective crack smoking) some of my esteemed colleagues and I have decided to embark on the fabled "Master Cleanse", aka "Maple Syrup and Lemonade Diet". It's a group effort which makes the idea of drinking this crap (and nothing but) for 5 days slightly less noxious. And misery loves company.

My constitution decided to throw a kink into our carefully laid plans and I got really sick yesterday. I am sure this is due, in part, to my adamant declaration that "I don't really get sick." Because I am. I spent most of last night in bed weeping with a fever, body aches and a non-productive and extremely painful cough. Not even disc 1 of the Tudors could distract me from how miserable I felt.

I called out sick from work and had Morgan bring over the Cleansing Supplies for the others. But not before mixing up 2 Nalgene bottles of the stuff for myself. I have been dutifully sipping it in between naps and coughing fits and I have to say... IT'S NOT THAT BAD. Except that I put too much cayenne pepper in this batch, so it's not that bad except for the fact that my lips are on fire.

I'm not feeling hungry either. But not sure how much may be due to the fact that I feel absolutely wretched. Still, I'll take it!

Keeping it Great in Ought Eight

I've never been particularly enamored by the start of a new year. It usually goes something like: I really want to do something fabulous. Except I don't know what that is. So I end up not really doing anything and then feel let down.

This year I decided to not even worry about it. And I ended up with a bottle of bourbon (thanks, Peter!) and a really good night with some really good friends. And a whole lot of ridiculousness.

I'm actually oddly optimistic about the new year. My sister and I were saying how 2007 was kind of a let down, but 2008 seems bursting with potential.

Potential and of course stacks and stacks of applications that I should really be reading.