Bully for you!

Life with Truman continues on at it's familiar, exhausting pace. There were a few times (like when he ate my glasses and most of a mattress) that I seriously considered rehoming him in a moment of extreme depression and financial desperadoes. I even consulted a dog behaviorist (not cheap) about his dog-on-dog issues. Turns out, he's not so much aggressive as he is a "knucklehead with no impulse control."

Since then, I've discovered several things:

1. The Gentle Leader: Head collar designed to help control Truman's frenzied lunging at other dogs. Worn in conjunction with #2

2. Hot dogs. Yes, hot dogs. The ONE FOOD I CAN'T STAND. Truman, however, will sell his soul for a hot dog. Or even just a piece of a hot dog. Or a piece of regular dog kibble that's been sitting in a sandwich baggie with a piece of hot dog.

The two of these things have really improved the quality of our walks. Instead of me sobbing and pleading and stopping every five steps to try and regain his attention, all I have to do is rustle the ziplock bag and suddenly it's OHMIGOD I'M SITTING. LOOK. LOOK. MOOOOOM! LOOK. SEE ME SIT? WHAT OTHER DOG? DID YOU SAY HOTDOG?

We're not perfect by any means, but more often than not, I can easily distract Truman from other dogs and continue on past without a scene. On some occasions, when he hears another dog bark, he will actually LOOK AT ME instead of lunging for the dog. It's like reverse clicker training! Dog bark = hot dog! Which is great, because we've tried the clicker and Truman ran and hid under a blanket and would not be convinced that CLICK = TREAT, but rather CLICK = dog eating dinosaur zombie attack imminent!

3. Swimming: Truman is so insanely athletic it scares me. I've gone from being semi-regular gym-goer/climber/yogi to
'I'm physically exhausted all the time.' I can't keep up. And if he doesn't tire out, see above re: mattress eating.

Lucky for us, Truman loves to swim! What's more, I just have to stand on the shore and chuck a tennis ball into the water and wait for him to go get it. Repeat 500 times.

Last week, I decided to take Truman for a walk in the Park. There was a concert going on and a zillion people, animals, bicycles and all manner of distractions. I thought it would be good for him to get used to a lot of different things happening around him so I armed myself with a huge quantity of chopped up hotdog bits and prepared for the worst.

Fortune smiled on us however, and it was 90+ degrees and 200% humidity (Truman tires out easily in the heat). We walked around the park without incident even though there were dogs everywhere. Truman, of course, made friends with everyone we passed, and was a perfect gentleman. We were walking by a tiny, elderly man in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank and Truman made a beeline for the man and stood next to him with his head in the man's lap. I apologized for Truman being overly friendly and but the man said that was ok, and started stroking Truman's head and telling me about his dog. We talked for a few minutes and the whole time, Truman was standing like a statue with his head in the guy's lap just being an absolute angel.

I may be jaded and unimpressed most of the time, but I have to say, Truman, I'm proud of you. Thanks, pal.

Functional appliances are hot.

There are many reasons why I dislike doing dishes, among them is that my sink is not designed with a dishwashing giraffe in mind and after about 1 minute of standing at this sink my back starts to hurt. Also, I paid dearly for that dishwasher, and I'll be damned if I use it only for counter space. And storing dirty dishes.

Because I am too cheap (read: poor) to get someone to comeout and fix the stupid thing, I've been trying to diagnose and fix the problem myself. Tip: Never buy anything at Sears. I've been there twice now and have talked to approximately 8 different people and NONE OF THEM knows a fucking thing about dishwashers, or, I expect, anything else. Except maybe how to look like they just stepped off the set of a Dallas! reunion special.

The lady at the Parts & Service department, conveniently located in upper Siberia, knew nothing about either parts nor service. Except to tell me that for $75 I could have a "technician" come out and LOOK AT IT. Not fix it. Look at it. I declined and she directed me to Sclamo's (another appliance store).

Besides having awesome commercials on the local TV station, (The ads direct you in a piercing voice, to go to SCLAAAAAAA-MOS! Then they show bad shots of the outside of the store) the guy at Sclaaaaaa-mos actually knew a thing or two about dishwashers. He even gave me the website for a plumbing supply website where I can order the part I need ($62 + tax & shipping, no charge for me to look at the dishwasher with said part in hand). Then he told me that if I felt comfortable with simple tools, lever, inclined plane, etc. I could probably do-it-myself. Either that or live with a dishwasher that is both non-functional AND in pieces.

Earhole-itis

Here's one for the "bizarre medical issues" file:

My weird ear ringing/dizzy spells have continued since the first onslaught after Christmas. It's nowhere near as bad, but kind of annoying. So, I made a doctor's appointment, you know, just to see if it was anything or if I was just crazy.

The doctor did a bunch of bizarre tests involving me sitting up, lying down, moving my head, closing my eyes, walking in a straight line. She was trying to bring on the dizzyness. (Oh, it had already been brought!) No luck. Looking in my ears didn't show anything amiss. She assured me I wasn't crazy or delusional and what was probably wrong with me was something called Labyrinthitis.

No, really. Apparently David Bowie is fucking with my inner ear. Jerk.

The best part? It will most likely go away on its own IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

The Janitor at Cock Hates Me

He only empties my tras like, 2x per week and its not that I have a lot of trash, but he empties everyone else's trash and constantly overlooks mine.

I have no idea why he hates me because the only conversation I have ever had with him (besides, good morning and thanks) was when I agreed with him that smoking is bad for your health.

I'm Sick of Watching Things Die

We had the dog put to sleep on Saturday. It was time.

What else can I say, happy to the very last, I'll miss you Finn. Go pick a fight in heaven.