Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things The Schooligan Found Surprising About Christmas This Year: 1. How much roast beef I was able to consume without Exploding. 2. Ditto Ham. 3. How sick I can get of Christmas Cookies. 4. How tolerant certain pets can be about festive holiday garb. (see yesterday's post) 5. That my dad donated our Christmas presents to charity. (Seriously) 6. How much I really wished he hadn't. 7. How much I wish I weren't so upset by this. 8. That my brother got me a deep fryer. 9. That this was one of the best presents EVER. 10. How PACKED the sex store was on Christmas Eve. 11. That people would think it was appropriate to wear Santa Hats to Midnight Mass. 12. How hard it was to find a church that actually had Midnight Mass at MIDNIGHT. (It's once a year, people, suck it up and have a coffee or something.) 13. How I am really sad that it's over.

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Post Holiday Frenzy!

This week I seem to have all sorts of engagements with people who are around for the typical "ONE NIGHT ONLY!". It's awesome because, you know, I love my friends, especially the ones I don't see all that often. (Kidding!) But dammit if it ain't exhausting.

Last night, my friend Tim*, who moved to San Francisco in 2004 (Thanks a lot, buddy.), wanted to have a climbing reunion. Since this is December in New England, we headed out to Metro Rock. We met up with Mikey and began a night of some serious climbing. Admittedly, I have been extremely lazy lately, but I was determined to keep up with the boys and not make an ass of myself in the process.

I started off by climbing a 5.10a/b. That was my warm up. And I did it without too much trouble. Then I climbed a 5.10b/c that Mikey had set. I fell twice on some difficult sequences, but managed to pull off the route without too much trouble. The boys then did a dicey .11a, I opted out of that one and instead hit another 10b/c that I completed without my usual amount of jackassery. I did a 5.9 called "Contortion" that was insanely awkward (hence the name) and made even more interesting, by having a hold that was completely loose that spun around when you stepped on it. Wheeeeeee! And finally, I did most of a 10c/d that I totally could have finished had I not been exhausted.

Blah blah blah, climbing, boring, blah.
Yes, I know. But it was awesome to have a reunion with my "climbing family", or at least part of the family. (Adam and Shruti, I miss you! I know you are having an amazing time in India and Sri Lanka, but dammit, it's not the same without you guys.)

For the Apres Climb, we met Forrest and Suzanne at Tokyo City, a Japanese place in Allston. If there is anything better than sushi post-climbing, I don't know about it. I sort of wish that I had a transcript of our dinner conversation. (although the incrimination factor would be absurdly high, but for oce we were NOT the most obnoxious table in the restaurant. IMAGINE!)
Some highlights:
"Can you imagine getting wasabi in your pee hole?"
"What?"
"Getting wasabi in your Urethra."
"Oh."
>pause< "I think pee hole sounds so much worse."

"You should try deep fried Oreos"
"Deep fried Oreos?"
"Yeah, tempura batter them and then fry them. So good."
"How about deep fried grilled cheese sticks?"
"Ewwww. Gross."
"You're telling me to deep fry OREOS and you think a fried grilled cheese is gross????"
"Have you seen that grilled cheese on e-bay with the Virgin Mary on it?"
"The one with bites out of it? Yeah."
"Isn't it like 30 years old or something?"
"Oooh! I heard about one guy who found the image of Mary and Jesus on a Funyun"
"A Bunion???"
"No! One of those like, onion ring snack things."
"Yeah, and then there was that Dorito that looks like the Pope's hat."
"Why does God like to appear on junk food so much?"

*Here are Tim and I on the last day of our climbing trip in Red Rocks, NV. (Please note that I am lounging on a crash pad and not actually climbing.)

Happy Holidays!

From all of us here at the Voodoo Lounge.

My brain can't handle it

The worst jokes EVER!

I want to personally find all the people that made these up and PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE a la Jay and Silent Bob.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things The Schooligan can't stop listening to: 1. Goody Two Shoes- Adam Ant (Write it on a pound note, pound note!) 2. Santa Baby- Marilyn Monroe (Think of all the fun I've missed, think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed...) 3. 99 Red Balloons- Nena (English and German*! Hast du etwas Zeit für mich Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich Von 99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont) 4. Honky Tonk Badonkadonk- Trace Adkins (Ridiculous! Hillarious! Badonkadonk!) 5. I Want A Lover I Don't Have to Love- Bright Eyes (This song is so beautiful and disturbing and sad. "I want a boy so drunk he doesn't talk") 6. Blue Christmas- Elvis (My brother hates this song because it is "too sad". Well Sometimes Christmas IS SAD, buddy!) 7. Son of a Preacher Man- Dusty Springfield (This is the only good song she ever recorded. Seriously.) 8. Western Skies- Chris LeDoux (He died this year, and I am still sad. This song makes me miss Colorado so much it hurts.) 9. Dominic the Christmas Donkey- I have no idea (This song puts me into hysterics EVERY SINGLE TIME. I had no idea that Santa's reindeer had trouble climbing the hills of Italy. NO IDEA.) 10. Laffy Taffy- D4L (This is the WORST SONG EVER. So obscene. So funny. AND IT ONLY HAS 2 NOTES! Skeet skeet skeet!) 11. Grillz- Nelly (What can I say? Nelly does it again, even more ridiculous than the last time. Why? "Got bill in my mouth like Hillary Rodham." Ugh.) 12. Don't Change Your Plans- Ben Folds Five (Again with the heartbreaking. "You have made me smile again, In fact I think I'm sore from it, It's been a while.") 13. Another Travellin Song- Bright Eyes (Yes, I love the Bright Eyes. "I will fight like hell to hide that I have given up")

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My Kitchen

Is painted.
And slightly less ugly.
Wheeeeeeee!

Disclaimer

Everyone knows that the holiday season is the busiest time of the year. Right?
So, if, for example, people didn't their act together and get to the post office in time to mail out holiday packages, it would be totally understandable, right?
Ok, cool. Glad we are on the same page. Besides, it's so much nicer to get a surprise AFTER the holidays, so you can celebrate all over again. Right?

Ahem.

Not too much going on at the VL following the 2005 Cookie-paint-a-thon. Oh wait, I just made some chocolate chip banana cream bread. Smells fantastic. I did not, however, do it in a freshly starched dress, frilly apron and heels. (I am reading a book entitled "Finding Betty Crocker")

I am feeling sort of frenzied about the holidays, wanting to make sure the house is clean/painted/devoid of piles of detritus. And there is my desire to produce and overabundance of baked goods. PT remarked the other day, I liked it better when you HATED Christmas.

Tomorrow is my work "party". Well, actually, it is a lunch out where we eat and drink too much and then go back to work for 2 hours and struggle to stay awake. Or at least that is my version. It will be interesting to see this year's group interact in a vaguely social setting. Especially the guy who likes to talk about his hernia, pre and post-op. The same guy who offered to let his cube mate TOUCH THE HERNIA. The offer was politely declined.

We have Friday off, as well as next Monday, which is super nice, but for some reason the 4 day week always seems WAY LONGER than the regular week. It's like the anticipation of a holiday slows down the passage of time or something. (But unfortunately not in a way that allows me to get packages mailed in time.)

Ammendment

Oh, so on the bourbon ball recipe?
I totally forgot that you are supposed to add about 1/2 c. of sugar. Either granulated or powdered.

I got so caught up with the BOURBON, I forgot about all the other ingrediants.
How very like me!
So, sorry, but I am sure that they were fine anyway because corn syrup is really friggin sweet and then you rolled them in sugar (probably) at the end, so am sure they are yummy. But, again, sorry for the omission.

Yesterday Elaine and Leah came over to make holiday cookies. I spent the previous 2 days frantically freaking out on the phone to PT about how I needed to clean the house. Yes, I know that I could have just CLEANED it instead of getting hysterical while NOT CLEANING, but my brain totally doesn't work that way. I stopped myself from hands and knees scrubbing of the kitchen floor after remembering that we would be BAKING and therefore tossing dry ingrediants around Swedish Chef style and that it would be far more beneficial to scrub the floor AFTER we finished the cookies. I did however manage to get up ALL the broken glass, which I deemed necessary.

I had the foresight (and mania) to make up the sugar cookie dough ahead of time so that when the girls came over we could just do the fun part with the cookie cutters and the decorating. We made about 10000 cookies. Seriously. We then applied homemade icing with toothpicks and wee paint brushes to each individual cookie. It was fun... for about 4 cookies, and then we quit with the hand painted manger scenes and just started globbing on icing any old way. It was like a cookie sweat shop: three girls hunched over piles of cookies, silently decorating. Every so often one of us would eat a cookie and we would all sigh and think, Whew. That's one more we don't have to paint.

It was quite nice sitting in my KITCHEN THAT I FINALLY FINISHED PAINTING (oh yes i did!), eating and singing Christmas carols and baking. PT arrived unnanouced at some point, much to my delight. And proceeded to make a hummus and mozzerella stick sandwich. Not that I am getting on him about nutrition after I spent 2 days eating pretty much nothing but cookies. Just saying. But it was a lovely almost-christmas surprise. (The visit and the sandwich)

Suffice to say, the house looks immaculate and I am thoroughly sick of cookies.

Lest you think I complain...

About the crappy weather; despite having to chisel my way into the car this morning, I was totally greatful that it was like 30 degrees warmer than the past few days.

Ice Cubes

We had this totally annoying "ice storm" today. It was hyped as being completely HEINOUS and fucking up everyone's commute, so when my alarm (translation: hungry cat) began licking my head at 6.30 this morning, I eagerly got up to check the local school and business closings. No luck. Cock is 100% open. And here I am.

Honestly, the driving was fine. The worst part was scraping all of the ice off my car, which was COMPLETELY encased. I have this spray can of "de-icer" that um, sort of worked, with a lot of scraping and hacking and warming up of the car. So, actually, maybe it didn't really work. I did forget my gloves and froze my fingers off trying to scratch a peep hole in my windshield, so I treated myself to a Starbucks Mocha on the way to work. The warm cup managed to thaw my hands somewhat.

I went climbing with Forrest last night at Metro. The drive to Boston was typically horrid, but I was totally unphased and sat calmly in traffic drumming my fingers on the steering wheel and belting out "Goody Two Shoes". Like I said, I think the drugs are working. Yeah, that's right: FUCK YOU BRAIN ROBOT!

The climbing was good. F. convinced me to take my lead test, not because he particularly cares about me leading but so that I could give him authorized lead belays. I convinced the "lead test administrator" to let me lead a wickedly easy 5.7, and I passed with no trouble. I let him think I was a bumbling Noob, but then he noticed my torn and bleeding hands and said, "Oh, you must climb outside a lot." I confessed that I wasn't inexperienced, rather I was just lazy. He laughed and we exchanged climbing stories while he upgraded my ID from "Top Rope Access" to "Leading Access".

So there is one thing ticked off my "Thursday Thirteen To-Do List". Oh, and I made that gingerbread house too. And I totally ate those chips. Wheeeee! I am making such progress! (Am HONEST-TO-GOD going to paint this weekend.)

Bourbon Balls

Ok, here is the recipe for the Bourbonyest of Balls:

-Mash up about 50-60 Nilla Wafers into tiny pieces (Use the generic store brand, as they all taste slightly stale anyway, and why spend more money?)
-Melt about 1/2 bag of chocolate chips (or 2 discs of imported Mexican chocolate, yes, I am a chocolate snob.)
-Add... 1/4-1/3 c. corn syrup to the melted chocolate and mix together.
-Dump chocolate mixture onto Nilla wafers, and add about a cup or so of chopped pecans.
-Pour your favorite bourbon* liberally over the mixture. I think you are supposed to use about 1/4-1/3 of a cup. I use more. And noone complanins.
-Mix all together with fingers. If you find the mixture a bit too wet (because of excessive liquor or whatever), add some more cookies, or a wee bit of cornstarch, or shredded coconut (my favorite).
-Roll into small balls with hands and then roll balls into colored sprinkles, powdered sugar, cocoa powder, crack, whatever.
-Put into a covered container overnight and let them... ripen**.
-Enjoy!

*Because the alcohol isn't cooked in any way, I like to use a nice bourbon, like Maker's or Knob Creek. Last year, I used Basil Hayden's, but this year I am too broke for that kind of extravagance. Just don't use something crappy, Old Crow, Ten High, Rebel Yell (Oh dear god, please not the Rebel Yell. I got really drunk on a climbing trip on this shit and was seeing double the next day. Not ideal when trying to sport climb; "which bolt should I clip? I see four..."), because you will totally be tasting it.
**You can let them sit for weeks, or even months. My friend Secret Agent Sands found some bourbon balls in his car in... like... August, and they were STILL GOOD. Perhaps better.

The drugs must be working

Because I sat at the toll booth at the end of the Pike tonight for TWENTY MINUTES in traffic without getting at all angry.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things The Schooligan Can't Live Without (Seriously.) 1. Bourbon. ESPECIALLY Knob Creek, Maker's Mark, and Basil Hayden's. 2. The Internet (No explanation needed) 3. Netflix (Currently watching Season 3 of Degrassi Junior High) 4. My Edward Gorey Daily Planner (And yes, it needs to be E.G. I can't plan my life without him.) 5. THE RABBIT (Changed my life. For AWESOME!) 6. Diet Coke (And no, I don't care that it contains formaldehyde and will give me 8 kinds of cancer.) 7. General Gao's Chicken from Dragon Dynasty, (Hands down the best Chinese Take-out on the planet) and Dumplings, Shu Mai, Dammit, Chinese Take-Out in general. 8. Rock Climbing, although I have been an extremely slack gym rat as of late... 9. Fishnet Stockings (It is NEVER too cold for fishnets.) 10. Vintage Electric Percolators (I currently run a home for unwanted coffee pots) 11. SmartWool Socks (My socks have ZONES! Sometimes as many as 8!!) 12. Fleece. (Blankets, Vests, Pants, etc.) 13. Heels. (Preferably in the 4" range. Yes, I quite enjoy towering over most people. Resident SuperVillains excluded.)

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Skills

"I feel like I just can't bake anymore. I mean, I used to be really and consistantly good at it."
"Well, do you think it's realistic to believe that once you are good at something you will ALWAYS be good at something?"
"I don't know, but I feel like if I lose one skill I should at least be given another one, you know?"
"Have you tried juggling lately?"

Holiday Lessons

Do not try to construct a cheerful gingerbread house while sick with the flu.


Seriously.

Quick! Before I have to barf again!

It snowed quite a bit today.
I stayed home from work because... I think I have the flu.
I feel a level of misery that is unparalelled, although that could have been because I watched Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Johnny Depp really irritated me. Or maybe that is the fever talking.

This morning, it was snowing too heavily to drive, so G and I walked to the grocery store. It is only 1/2 mile each way, in a completely STRAIGHT LINE from our house. He told me to stay inside and rest, but I have read Little House on The Prairie one too many times, and thought a walk in the snow to get "supplies" from "town" would make me feel better.

It didn't.
NEither did dry heaving in a public bathroom.

p.s. The "go to hell room" is the back room of the house with the caved in ceiling (that needs to be fixed like every other fucking thing in this place) where we put everything that we don't know what to do with. We keep the door closed and pretend it doesn't exist.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things The Schooligan wants to do before the end of the year: 1. Finish Painting the Kitchen. ONCE AND FOR ALL. 2. Paint the pantry. 3. Build a gingerbread house. 4. Have drinks at the Chop House, which I cannot afford but for which I have a gift certificate. 5. Move the Ninja and the Villain back into the Voodoo Lounge. 6. Have the first Voodoo Lounge cocktail party. 7. Clean out the "Go To Hell Room". 8. Pass my lead test at the gym. 9. Lose 10 pounds! (yeah, right.) 10. Make a perfect pecan pie. 11. Mail out my Maker's Mark Holiday Cards. 12. Scotch guard the carpet. 13. Share a bag of Jalepeno Cheddar Cape Cod potato chips with Gargamel.

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A Post about The Climbing

Yes, I know, who cares? Lately, not even me. I was catching up on my reading the other day and looking over the October Issue of Climbing Magazine, and it was the special "Bouldering Issue", and IT WAS BORING. I am not interested in bouldering ONE BIT. There. I said it. Now onto the climbing...

Boulder and I made the death trek into Boston to climb at Metro Rock. I love climbing there, I really do. However, I do not love Paying $12 and having to drive for what amounts to almost TWO HOURS. Seriously. In traffic. Gah.

But, we made it. And met up with Forrest and did some climbing. I have been feeling pretty crap about my climbing latey. The summer was awesome, but I spent most of it learning to place gear on climbs that were way below my limit. Which is good. And safe. And proper. But no so helpful in maintaining one's strength. Mentally, I am a climbing MASTER, physically, however, I am kind of a wuss.

So, I was just expecting to putz around on some fairly easy stuff, get pumped out, and go home. Instead, I raced up an overhung 5.8 jug haul, stemmed up a 5.10b/c chimney, and almost flashed a 10c crimpy, balancy arete. It all felt great. I wasn't stressed or chasing number grades, I was just climbing for the pure enjoyment of climbing. Hot Dog! If only everything in life were that easy.

Unfortunately, my new "arch supports" are making ALL OF MY SHOES NOT FIT RIGHT. Which makes me extremely grumpy and unreasonable. Especially, when PT can't promise that he will not eat Jalepeno Cheddar Cape COd Potato Chips without me.

Him: I don't understand why you are making such a huge deal about CHIPS.
Me: It's not about the chips, it's about your unwillingness to do even the smallest thing to make me happy.
Him: But, still... they are just chips.
Me: Fine. Then why don't you and your mom and Ninja sit around your lovely home in Providence and STUFF YOUR SELVES WITH JALEPENO CHEDDAR POTATO CHIPS while I am up here doing something really unpleasant, like working, or painting the kitchen. And then, make sure you call me and tell me HOW GREAT THE CHIPS ARE!
Him: *laughs* I lit the evergreen potpourri for you so the house would smell nice when you came home. Isn't that nice?
Me: Not as nice as sharing chips with someone you care about.

Humbled by Health Insurance

Oh yes, I thought I was SO GREAT for having INSURANCE and being able to go to the doctor ANY TIME I WANT. Well, I sure got what was coming to me: ORTHOTICS!

I went to see a podiatrist yesterday as reccommended by my primary care doctor. She even went ahead and MADE the appointment for me, so all I had to do was show up! How great! See, i have this bump on the top of my left foot. It hurts sometimes when I wear certain shoes, but not too much. I think it has been there for more than a year anyway, without causing me much stress. But you know, since I was at the doctor anyway and she asked if I had anything else that concerned me I figured I would mention it. The doctor poked at it and confessed that she didn't know and sent me to a specialist.

At the office of all things podiatry related, (which makes me feel like a COMPLETE DORK, because cool people don't have things wrong with their feet, right?), the specialist poked at it and said he thought it was a bone spur and sent me for X-Rays. Turns out it isn't an extra growth of bone, it is my ACTUAL FOOT BONE. Apparently, because I walk like a fool, (and turn my feet outwards in a completely stupid manner), I have caused a BONE IN MY FOOT TO CHANGE POSITION AND PROTRUDE IN AN ABNORMAL WAY.

Awesome. Prognosis: I will most likely need surgery at some point to correct it where they will SHAVE OFF PART OF THE BONE and make my foot somewhat normal, I will almost certainly have arthritis, and I need to wear arch supports for, um, EVER. I explained to the doctor that this really wasn't possible because they wouldn't fit with some of my shoes. He told me to wear them "whenever possible", and that they cost $50 for the "off the rack" version and about $400 for the "haute couture" of orthotics. ALL FOR A STUPID BUMP ON MY FOOT.

That'll learn me.

I know this probably should NOT be funny. (But it really is.)

I recently re-discovered my therapist. I had stopped seeing her cause I felt pretty much fine. Then I fell down to the very bottom of the blackest of black holes and didn't go see her because I had given up on anyone being able to help me. Then, some months later, I ran into her at the place we both get coffee in the morning. I promised to call, and then I did.

I made the appointment fully thinking that I could just get away with bullshitting about nothing for an hour and then leave. For some reason, I was feeling really resistant to going back to therapy. I think I was/am afraid that it won't be enough to prevent me from falling back down the hole, and I am doomed and therefore FUCK IT. Nihilists aren't very good patients.

So, it was with this attitude that I walked into the office, sat down and expected nothing.

Yup. I was wrong. My therapist was all listening and writing shit down and, like totally helping me out. SO NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. She identified my major issues and said she would come up with a game plan to help me combat (she doesn't like the war analogy, but I do. And it's MY disorder, so I'm gonna use it. Phhhhhhhhttttt.) my demons.

I had to talk about the "episdode" though, (I love getting all Victorian about my falling off the deep end. It makes it seem much more socailly acceptable. If it were 1901.) and I used the analogy of the angry robot in my head that sometimes leaps out and destroys Tokyo and then leaves me to clean it up. And then I said, when I am acting really nuts and spewing acid, I can hear a tiny voice (not really. it's a metaphor not a halucinatiion. unfortunately.) in my head saying, "SHUT UP. You are behaving like an idiot. Just go somewhere else and stop making things worse.", but of course I can't and don't stop and end up stomping all over Japan. Afterwards there is this, like, exhaustion and sometimes a bit of woozy-post-party-What-The-Hell-Did-I-Do? stuff going on, but mostly, I just feel sad and pathetic and keep apologizing to whomever will listen and feel guilty about what a horrible person I am and how noone should love me because I am such a jerk. Classic.

So, being a trained professional in the area of psychosis, M. asks me, "So, do you hear or see things? You know, voices, things that aren't really there?" She goes on to try and describe, in the nicest way possible, what hallucinations are and how to identify them. Laughing, I said, "M. I've taken shrooms, I've seen the walls bleed, I KNOW what hallucinations are. This isn't like that."

Then she brought up the possibility that we might be dealing with a "personality disorder", took copious notes on my various "personalities"; angry robot-zilla, guilt ridden self loathing girl, and regular old rational Schooligan (Ha!), and said she would look more into it for me. Again, I had to laugh, not at her, but just at the situation. "Oh, like The Three Faces of Eve??" "Yeah. (laughing too) Like that. I just want to make sure we are looking at all angles here."

Finally, she gave me a book to read "An Unquiet Mind" about a woman with Manic-Depression. I had to ask, "Do you think that's what is really going on here?" Always the diploamt, "Well, I think it is safe to say, that you have some kind of 'mood disorder.'"

That's such a nice way of putting it. Plus I think "Mood Disorder" sounds WAY COOLER than just plain ole Depression.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things currently making the SCHOOLIGAN happy: 1. The Evergreen Scented PotPourri that Joan gave me. I put it in a bowl on my dining room table. Festive! Domestic! Unbelieveable! 2. BOURBON BALLS! 3. Nearly an entire month of dietary impunity! (Hey, it's the holidays!) 4. Acupuncture. (Quite possibly the missing link to my sanity!) 5. A closet FULL of discount hot sauce. 6. Fitting into a pair of size 6 pants. 7. Season 1 of Desperate Housewives 8. Having a nearly finished, slightly less ugly than when I started, kitchen. 9. Waking up in the morning with a general sense of Okay-ness. 10. My $28 gas bill for the month of October. (Not having heat is good for my wallet!) 11. Re-discovering the benefits of a good therapist. 12. Watching movies with Gargamel in a fort made of sofa cushions. 13. Instant Oatmeal. Delicious! Fast! Nutritious!

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