When I opened (ok, not literally opened because technically the thing doesn't close) my mailbox yesterday evening and saw an envelope from the Hippies containing an ON TIME payment of their debt, well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Who would have thought?
Lucky for me and Princess FuzzButt I had had the foresight to purchase a 4 Pack of Sutter Home Single Serving Bottles of Chardonnay. We cracked them and toasted the legal system.
As glad as I am to have at least part of my money, I am sort of disappointed that the hippies so easily BOW TO THE "MAN". You know? I mean, where is the 2 am drum circle now???
I have always suspected that they were Faux Hippies. I mean, countless times I had pulled recyclables out of the TRASH and exasperatedly told them as much, only to get a, *giggle* Ooops! Sorry. Too busy not buying toilet paper and filling the house with bad art to care about Recycling.
Anyway, perhaps I can repair my damaged relationship with N-Star gas and come crawling back to them...
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Brake! Brake! It's the one on the LEFT!
Yesterday I got involved in an incident involving a non-running car, a driveway with just enough incline to make things interesting and teaching my sister the basics of driving. We got my sister to steer the car as we pushed it up the driveway and into a parking spot. She did pretty good for a kid that has never been behind the wheel before. When we had the car safely parked, she jumped out and squealed, I'm A DRIVER!!!!! I replied, No, you are a "Steerer".
Hehehehe.
Hehehehe.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Bloated!
Funny story... Sort of.
After I got the IV fluids, I was so hydrated, that my wee schooligan tummy was HUGE and Bloated and my face was puffy. Seriously. When I got home, the indignity of Gargamel having to HOLD MY HAND while I took a shower so I wouldn't pass out and hit my head on the tub or anything was compounded by the look oh SHOCK AND AWE when he saw how gigantically swollen my belly was.
I muttered, IT'S FROM ALL THE FLUIDS THEY GAVE ME and wrapped myself in a (very large) towel.
After I got the IV fluids, I was so hydrated, that my wee schooligan tummy was HUGE and Bloated and my face was puffy. Seriously. When I got home, the indignity of Gargamel having to HOLD MY HAND while I took a shower so I wouldn't pass out and hit my head on the tub or anything was compounded by the look oh SHOCK AND AWE when he saw how gigantically swollen my belly was.
I muttered, IT'S FROM ALL THE FLUIDS THEY GAVE ME and wrapped myself in a (very large) towel.
Monday, June 27, 2005
What NOT to do when it is 100 degrees in the Shade
After a lovely party on Saturday for G's brother and his fiancee, I decided that it wasn't enough to mince around in a cute dress in oppressive heat. NO! I had to go CLIMB in it!
I met Brian in Rumney on Sunday morning. At 10.30 am I was already sweating through my NorthFace vaporwick tank top. We grabbed our gear and several gallons of water and began the approach to Triple Corners, a crag that stood at least a chance of being out of direct sunlight.
It was so hot and airless that several times on THE APPROACH, we (well, me) had to stop and pant and gasp for air. Brian took over carrying the rope which somehow weighed in at about a zillion pounds. When we reached Triple Corners, we sat down in the shade for a while and watched some older guys clean poo off their dog's butt. We climbed some and felt ok. Hot, tired, but mostly ok. We were chugging the water like it was 100 degrees in the shade. We climbed some more, noticing that after every 2 moves or so, we had to take a rest and that our muscles were protesting loudly at having to work so hard in such dreadful conditions.
After climbing a route that managed to lie in direct sunlight we decided that it wasn't worth making ourselves sick and headed down to the olde swimming hole. There is this perfect spot in the river that is deep enough so that you can dive off these rocks and into the refreshing and cool water. It's the best feeling after a day climbing, sweating, and getting eaten by mosquitos.
Brian and I swam for a bit then decided to head into town, get something to eat, drink more water and sit in an air conditioned building for a while. I was starting to feel kind of ill. My head hurt and I felt a bit nauseous, but I figured it wasn't anything some nachos and ice water couldn't fix.
As we ate, or as I tried to eat, I started feeling more and more awful. I was drinking water, but I still felt like vomiting and my head felt as though it was going to split open. Back in the car, I slumped over and tried not to think about puking. Brian decided it was time to go to the hospital when I didn't seem to know the answers to simple questions like, Is this CD annoying you? (Had I been more than semi-conscious, the CD TOTALLY would have been annoying me.)
We arrive at the hospital where they take my blood pressure about 4 times and ask me a bunch of questions that i have trouble answering, like, Where do you work? After sharing a waiting room with a man VERY LOUDLY heaving into a pan, they admit me and set me up with an IV full of lovely hydrating saline.
When my brother, Devon, was small, maybe 6 or 7, he had to go to the hospital for some reason or another (possibly smashing his head open on some playground equipment) and when the doctor came to give him an IV, he started crying and freaking out. "Why are you giving me HIV? I don't want you to give me HIV!" I recounted this story to Brian as I became increasingly more coherent.
Once the nurse had the (H)IV going pretty good, she put up the railings on the side of the bed, (I guess so I wouldn't fall out?) and left. It felt like I was in some sort of cage... Brian and I came to the same realization at the exact same moment, it was a VEINCAGE!!!
Eventually, I was well enough to go home. Armed with instructions on drinking as much as I could for the next day or so, I left. Brian and I stopped for milkshakes before I began the arduous two hour drive home, during which time I vowed to stop trying to be a climbing jungle commando in the 8th circle of hell.
Honest.
I met Brian in Rumney on Sunday morning. At 10.30 am I was already sweating through my NorthFace vaporwick tank top. We grabbed our gear and several gallons of water and began the approach to Triple Corners, a crag that stood at least a chance of being out of direct sunlight.
It was so hot and airless that several times on THE APPROACH, we (well, me) had to stop and pant and gasp for air. Brian took over carrying the rope which somehow weighed in at about a zillion pounds. When we reached Triple Corners, we sat down in the shade for a while and watched some older guys clean poo off their dog's butt. We climbed some and felt ok. Hot, tired, but mostly ok. We were chugging the water like it was 100 degrees in the shade. We climbed some more, noticing that after every 2 moves or so, we had to take a rest and that our muscles were protesting loudly at having to work so hard in such dreadful conditions.
After climbing a route that managed to lie in direct sunlight we decided that it wasn't worth making ourselves sick and headed down to the olde swimming hole. There is this perfect spot in the river that is deep enough so that you can dive off these rocks and into the refreshing and cool water. It's the best feeling after a day climbing, sweating, and getting eaten by mosquitos.
Brian and I swam for a bit then decided to head into town, get something to eat, drink more water and sit in an air conditioned building for a while. I was starting to feel kind of ill. My head hurt and I felt a bit nauseous, but I figured it wasn't anything some nachos and ice water couldn't fix.
As we ate, or as I tried to eat, I started feeling more and more awful. I was drinking water, but I still felt like vomiting and my head felt as though it was going to split open. Back in the car, I slumped over and tried not to think about puking. Brian decided it was time to go to the hospital when I didn't seem to know the answers to simple questions like, Is this CD annoying you? (Had I been more than semi-conscious, the CD TOTALLY would have been annoying me.)
We arrive at the hospital where they take my blood pressure about 4 times and ask me a bunch of questions that i have trouble answering, like, Where do you work? After sharing a waiting room with a man VERY LOUDLY heaving into a pan, they admit me and set me up with an IV full of lovely hydrating saline.
When my brother, Devon, was small, maybe 6 or 7, he had to go to the hospital for some reason or another (possibly smashing his head open on some playground equipment) and when the doctor came to give him an IV, he started crying and freaking out. "Why are you giving me HIV? I don't want you to give me HIV!" I recounted this story to Brian as I became increasingly more coherent.
Once the nurse had the (H)IV going pretty good, she put up the railings on the side of the bed, (I guess so I wouldn't fall out?) and left. It felt like I was in some sort of cage... Brian and I came to the same realization at the exact same moment, it was a VEINCAGE!!!
Eventually, I was well enough to go home. Armed with instructions on drinking as much as I could for the next day or so, I left. Brian and I stopped for milkshakes before I began the arduous two hour drive home, during which time I vowed to stop trying to be a climbing jungle commando in the 8th circle of hell.
Honest.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Combatting Anxiety
Through shopping. Duh.
I took a long lunch today to try and feel less homicidal. I went over to the mall and found a SUPER ADORABLE light blue silk retro polka dotted dress (in a size 4. TAKE THAT M&Ms!) at TJ Maxx for... $20! Yes! I did not, however, get any new shoes because all of the available shoes were either a) too expensive b) ugly c) all of the above. For a brief moment I wished that I could just be one of those people who throw on a pair of bejewelled flip flops and just go. But then I realized I would rather have style.
Post-mall, I headed over to the gear shop to grab a couple of carabiners and check out all the stuff I desperately want/need but can't afford. There was a different dude working who wouldn't let me go behind the counter and fondle the new Camalots. Jerk.
Now I am back at work, not calling Germany and wondering how early I can leave without anyone noticing.
I took a long lunch today to try and feel less homicidal. I went over to the mall and found a SUPER ADORABLE light blue silk retro polka dotted dress (in a size 4. TAKE THAT M&Ms!) at TJ Maxx for... $20! Yes! I did not, however, get any new shoes because all of the available shoes were either a) too expensive b) ugly c) all of the above. For a brief moment I wished that I could just be one of those people who throw on a pair of bejewelled flip flops and just go. But then I realized I would rather have style.
Post-mall, I headed over to the gear shop to grab a couple of carabiners and check out all the stuff I desperately want/need but can't afford. There was a different dude working who wouldn't let me go behind the counter and fondle the new Camalots. Jerk.
Now I am back at work, not calling Germany and wondering how early I can leave without anyone noticing.
The Schooligan vs. A Six Pound Bag of M&Ms
It's a losing battle. Seriously. YOU WIN M&Ms!!!
Yesterday was one of those days that reminds me with a vicious dick slap to the face that working for COCK is not all free lunches and laser pointers. I was assaulted from the moment that I got to my desk (early, mind you) with about a billion ridiculous and slightly impossible tasks.
When I broke for lunch (having had enough rewriting of legal terms and really boring conditions) and went over to the Fortress for some delicious leftover pasta (pesto and red sauce, fresh tomatoes, parmesan cheese, broc-o-slaw, Gargamel accidently pinched my finger in the cabinet door. It was one of those moments of such intense pain that you immediately see spots and can't even bring yourself to make any noise and instead crumple to the floor, clutching your injured digit, your face locked into a silent scream.
Back at work, trying to type 17 pages of legal jargon with my busted finger, Mr. Not as Annoying as the TSV But Pretty Damn Close literally STOOD BEHIND ME and breathed down the back of my neck while I worked on the document criticizing my desktop and saying things like, I don't know how you can work like this, to which it took the combined willpower of every single cell in my body NOT to say, I CAN'T, YOU JACKASS!
I ended up staying at work until about 6pm, by which time i had missed my friends going climbing at College Rock and ended up in the foulest of moods with no hope of making cocktail hour. (Mythical cocktail hour)
Yesterday was one of those days that reminds me with a vicious dick slap to the face that working for COCK is not all free lunches and laser pointers. I was assaulted from the moment that I got to my desk (early, mind you) with about a billion ridiculous and slightly impossible tasks.
When I broke for lunch (having had enough rewriting of legal terms and really boring conditions) and went over to the Fortress for some delicious leftover pasta (pesto and red sauce, fresh tomatoes, parmesan cheese, broc-o-slaw, Gargamel accidently pinched my finger in the cabinet door. It was one of those moments of such intense pain that you immediately see spots and can't even bring yourself to make any noise and instead crumple to the floor, clutching your injured digit, your face locked into a silent scream.
Back at work, trying to type 17 pages of legal jargon with my busted finger, Mr. Not as Annoying as the TSV But Pretty Damn Close literally STOOD BEHIND ME and breathed down the back of my neck while I worked on the document criticizing my desktop and saying things like, I don't know how you can work like this, to which it took the combined willpower of every single cell in my body NOT to say, I CAN'T, YOU JACKASS!
I ended up staying at work until about 6pm, by which time i had missed my friends going climbing at College Rock and ended up in the foulest of moods with no hope of making cocktail hour. (Mythical cocktail hour)
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Best Blog Quote I have read in a while and other things completely unrelated
"Also,no, I don't just hang around the house nude waiting for one of the children to injure themselves."
Despite the lack of any real content on the Nation, the Schooligan has actually been quite busy, what with Flat Tires and Potholes of Death, being invited to appear on Judge Joe Brown and watching Katie Holmes get sucked into a cult.
I got my Black Diamond Stoppers in the other day. Am v. v. excited to try them out. Hoping to get up to North Conway this weekend and see how they handle Cathedral Ledge.
Am going to Gargamel's brother's engagement party on Saturday. It is going to be a huge fete with wine tasting and Lobster and SHU MAI. Yes, that is right. SHU MOTHERFUCKING MAI. Mr. G was telling us all about the lobster and other sundries but the two of us stopped listening right after we heard Shu Mai, because, honestly, is there anything else that matters?
Despite the lack of any real content on the Nation, the Schooligan has actually been quite busy, what with Flat Tires and Potholes of Death, being invited to appear on Judge Joe Brown and watching Katie Holmes get sucked into a cult.
I got my Black Diamond Stoppers in the other day. Am v. v. excited to try them out. Hoping to get up to North Conway this weekend and see how they handle Cathedral Ledge.
Am going to Gargamel's brother's engagement party on Saturday. It is going to be a huge fete with wine tasting and Lobster and SHU MAI. Yes, that is right. SHU MOTHERFUCKING MAI. Mr. G was telling us all about the lobster and other sundries but the two of us stopped listening right after we heard Shu Mai, because, honestly, is there anything else that matters?
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Holy Smokes!
Last Thursday, Gargamel and I went to the Holy Smokes! bbq joint to celebrate Mark Miller's birthday. I was fully expecting a solo piccolo performance preceeding dinner, but it was actually THIS Mark Miller. Who knew there were so many talented Mark Millers???
Anyway, I was feeling kind of ill, but I ordered the short ribs anyway. I asked our server to make sure he brought me something that resembled an entree straight outta the Flintstones. He did not disappoint me.
Partway through dinner, Gargamel excuses himself to go outside. Not sure if it was the effects of dining in a CHURCH on Worcester's most notorious SuperVillain or what, but he VOMITED ALL OVER THE FRONT LAWN. Mmmmm. Exorcist Barbeque.
We head out shortly after that and as we are driving back to G's dad's house, we hit a GIGANTIC POTHOLE on Rt. 9 in Hadley. Like so vast that it sucked my car down into the 3rd circle of hell. And BUSTED my tire. We pulled over into a parking lot to call AAA and within minutes another car had hit the same HELLMOUTH HOLE and busted their tire. It was late, it was raining, G valiantly offered to change my tire but I said, What the hell do I pay $60 a year for? So we waited. And waited. And chatted with the nice kids from UMASS who were also waiting for AAA to come change the tire on their Audi A6.
AAA FINALLY shows up, puts on my spare and we head back to G's dad's house. Bed. Wake up late for work, rush outside to find that my spare tire, while not exactly FLAT is too squashy to drive back to Worcester with. I call into work and spend the remainder of the day getting $293 worth of new tires put on my car. (I got the back ones replaced as well. They were pretty much BALD. Yes, my car was a DEATH TRAP.)
Anyway, I was feeling kind of ill, but I ordered the short ribs anyway. I asked our server to make sure he brought me something that resembled an entree straight outta the Flintstones. He did not disappoint me.
Partway through dinner, Gargamel excuses himself to go outside. Not sure if it was the effects of dining in a CHURCH on Worcester's most notorious SuperVillain or what, but he VOMITED ALL OVER THE FRONT LAWN. Mmmmm. Exorcist Barbeque.
We head out shortly after that and as we are driving back to G's dad's house, we hit a GIGANTIC POTHOLE on Rt. 9 in Hadley. Like so vast that it sucked my car down into the 3rd circle of hell. And BUSTED my tire. We pulled over into a parking lot to call AAA and within minutes another car had hit the same HELLMOUTH HOLE and busted their tire. It was late, it was raining, G valiantly offered to change my tire but I said, What the hell do I pay $60 a year for? So we waited. And waited. And chatted with the nice kids from UMASS who were also waiting for AAA to come change the tire on their Audi A6.
AAA FINALLY shows up, puts on my spare and we head back to G's dad's house. Bed. Wake up late for work, rush outside to find that my spare tire, while not exactly FLAT is too squashy to drive back to Worcester with. I call into work and spend the remainder of the day getting $293 worth of new tires put on my car. (I got the back ones replaced as well. They were pretty much BALD. Yes, my car was a DEATH TRAP.)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
I am hooked on this website!
And I am reminded of the time that G-Unit and I were trying to enjoy a nice dinner at the Amherst Brewing Company and one of the servers, who had just gotten finished with her shift, sat down at the table right next to us. She proceeded to change out of her uniform pretty much right in front of us (and the entire restaurant). The best part was when she put her NASTY, DIRTY, FOOT TOUCHING flip flops ON TOP OF THE TABLE! You know, the table? Like, where people eat food? *shudder*
This morning I met Boulder for our usual Thursday morning breakfast at Annie's. As I was eating my spicey hash and English Muffin with peanut butter, I mentioned something about how I hadn't showered since... Monday or something. Boulder was shocked. Shocked at my utter disregard for hygeine. I was compelled to defend myself on the grounds that I have been too busy drinking and lazing on my sofa to think about showering. HONESTLY!
This morning I met Boulder for our usual Thursday morning breakfast at Annie's. As I was eating my spicey hash and English Muffin with peanut butter, I mentioned something about how I hadn't showered since... Monday or something. Boulder was shocked. Shocked at my utter disregard for hygeine. I was compelled to defend myself on the grounds that I have been too busy drinking and lazing on my sofa to think about showering. HONESTLY!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
When the SV is away...
The schooligan reverts back to her old habits, including, but not limited to:
1. Storing Swedish Fish in her car and eating them for breakfast
2. Consuming nearly an entire package of Trader Joe's frozen Shu Mai
3. Classifying Oreo cookies as "lunch"
4. Passing out face down on the latetst Mountain Gear Catalog at 10pm
In other news, I think I have reached a new personal low. I stole from Cock to wipe my ass. I ran out of toilet paper last night and because I am a lazy sloth who can't get to a store to buy a .59 cent roll of T.P. I took one from the 1st floor ladies room. (this does not even come CLOSE to the story that Dooce posted today)
1. Storing Swedish Fish in her car and eating them for breakfast
2. Consuming nearly an entire package of Trader Joe's frozen Shu Mai
3. Classifying Oreo cookies as "lunch"
4. Passing out face down on the latetst Mountain Gear Catalog at 10pm
In other news, I think I have reached a new personal low. I stole from Cock to wipe my ass. I ran out of toilet paper last night and because I am a lazy sloth who can't get to a store to buy a .59 cent roll of T.P. I took one from the 1st floor ladies room. (this does not even come CLOSE to the story that Dooce posted today)
For good or for awesome!
Dragged my slightly bedraggled self to work this morning, put on some coffee and settled in to check my email. My inbox revealed that I had a gift certificate to Mountain Gear from none other than Tim "I don't care what Boulder thinks, he's still a hell of a guy" Fisher. He sent me the certificate with the message, .Buy the damn Stoppers!
So I did.
And so it begins... I don't know if I am more in love with Tim or the idea that I am beginning to build my rack
So I did.
And so it begins... I don't know if I am more in love with Tim or the idea that I am beginning to build my rack
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Not just super velocity, and wisdomosity, but very much randomosity
I realized that the heat must have affected my brain, because it has been so very long since I mentioned how much I. LOVE. COCK. Seriously. (PT says that I am on the verge of wearing out "seriously", but I can't find anything else that fits. "Duh" is too low class, and lacks the assertiveness of a well executed, "Seriously." What is a Schooligan to do?)
Anyway, some people take Cock a bit too far. As I was coming back from lunch, where I sat at Panera and drank 2 Huge iced coffees ($1.39 with FREE REFILLS) and used their FREE WIRELESS, I stepped over a USED CONDOM right in the middle of the parking lot. If that's not taking COCK too far, I don't know what is.
We are having this "event" this week at work. It's another one of those dorky scavenger hunt type things (like the one that got me a naked plastic baby) where you pick up random objects and see if you won a prize. I found a rubber shark (who is now eating the plastic baby) that was not a winner. Then I found plastic clapping hands that declared me a WINNER! I hurried to the 2nd floor to collect my prize which turned out to be a $10 gift card to... Brook's Pharmacy. So, if anyone needs some deodorant or dental floss, it is TOTALLY ON ME!
In the spirit of altruistic self-promotion, I am happy to annouce that the achingly hip Action Geek has wooed me into writing a piece for his 'zine. I fully expect everyone to check out AG #29 when it comes out and learn the secrets that are revealed when we open the Schooligan Files. If this is a preview we are in for a hell of a time.
As a result of my climbing trip this weekend I have an interesting collection of bug bites and tan lines. I was climbing in a tank top with my camel bak strapped on and consequently have TWO SETS of white stripes on my shoulders. Oh, and despite SV pressure to get the black one, I am quite happy with my hydration being enclosed in bamboo green. I also have a new set of vertebrae made up ENTIRELY of fly bites. Also, my jawline has been chawed beyond recognition by those little fuckers. Until they heal, I will be the Schooligan in the iron mask.
Anyway, some people take Cock a bit too far. As I was coming back from lunch, where I sat at Panera and drank 2 Huge iced coffees ($1.39 with FREE REFILLS) and used their FREE WIRELESS, I stepped over a USED CONDOM right in the middle of the parking lot. If that's not taking COCK too far, I don't know what is.
We are having this "event" this week at work. It's another one of those dorky scavenger hunt type things (like the one that got me a naked plastic baby) where you pick up random objects and see if you won a prize. I found a rubber shark (who is now eating the plastic baby) that was not a winner. Then I found plastic clapping hands that declared me a WINNER! I hurried to the 2nd floor to collect my prize which turned out to be a $10 gift card to... Brook's Pharmacy. So, if anyone needs some deodorant or dental floss, it is TOTALLY ON ME!
In the spirit of altruistic self-promotion, I am happy to annouce that the achingly hip Action Geek has wooed me into writing a piece for his 'zine. I fully expect everyone to check out AG #29 when it comes out and learn the secrets that are revealed when we open the Schooligan Files. If this is a preview we are in for a hell of a time.
As a result of my climbing trip this weekend I have an interesting collection of bug bites and tan lines. I was climbing in a tank top with my camel bak strapped on and consequently have TWO SETS of white stripes on my shoulders. Oh, and despite SV pressure to get the black one, I am quite happy with my hydration being enclosed in bamboo green. I also have a new set of vertebrae made up ENTIRELY of fly bites. Also, my jawline has been chawed beyond recognition by those little fuckers. Until they heal, I will be the Schooligan in the iron mask.
The Schooligan is NOT melting
It has been oppressively hot the past few days. So hot that Empress Fuzz Pants hasn't been demanding food. Rather, she just lays on the floor all stretched out panting. She was ignoring me for a while after I left her alone all weekend with only a bowl of food and the open toilet bowl for company. Then, last night, before pilates (which was a whole other circle of HELL) she came over to snuggle with me as I lounged on the sofa in front of the fan. She worked her kitty mind control so well, that after Pilates I headed straight to Target where I bought another fan. Of course, there were only three fans left in the entire store, so I got the small, yet SUPER VELOCITY desktop fan.
Upon returning home, I set it up in my living room in such a way that when UnderFizz and I lounged on the sofa, we would be in fan crossfire. I turned it on and then stepped out onto the porch to enjoy a beer and a smoke.
When it was time for bed, I realized just how SUPER VELOCITY the fan was. It sounded like there was a blackhawk helicopter hovering in my living room.
Upon returning home, I set it up in my living room in such a way that when UnderFizz and I lounged on the sofa, we would be in fan crossfire. I turned it on and then stepped out onto the porch to enjoy a beer and a smoke.
When it was time for bed, I realized just how SUPER VELOCITY the fan was. It sounded like there was a blackhawk helicopter hovering in my living room.
Monday, June 13, 2005
The only thing that made me feel more amazing than leading trad
Upon my return from North Conway, PT looks at me and says, LOOK HOW SKINNY YOU ARE!
And immediately defrosts some cannoli.
And immediately defrosts some cannoli.
Love Makes Me Retarded
Plato described love as "A grave mental disease."
This is the only conceivably explanation for what could possibly possess me to scale the side of Cathedral Ledge this weekend in oppressive heat, humidity, bug-idity and rain. How all of these things could co-exist is a typical New England Weather Mystery, but they did.
I think that this weekend exhibited Hands Down the worst possible climbing weather. But it was some of the best climbing this side of Red Rocks.
Cut to the chase: I lead 3 trad pitches!
I am officially a true climber and not just a poser in Prana pants. (However, these could be the best pants EVER.)
Sunday, we hit Cathedral. Mikey and Mike (the new guy in our group) and Brian and I decided to do fun house. Mikey lead the first pitch easily, and mike followed without incident. Then Brian started up. The wall was a bit wet and he managed to cram himself into the corner and cover his shoes with slime and completely freak himself out. He had placed one nut and then clipped a fixed pin. Luckily, they were both solid, so when he slipped off, it was without incident. He thrashed around a bit more, doing the same thing each time and getting more and more frustrated and spooked. Finally he had me lower him off the pin and said, I can't do this. You want to try?
I could either lead the pitch, or we could go home. So i grabbed the rack and headed up the wall. I had watched Mikey climb and managed to NOT get myself into the same awkward, wet, slimey, position that Brian had gotten into, and instead, stemmed way out on the left side of the dihedral and grabbed a solid and mostly dry flake, Mike had left a cam in the crack right before you climb up over the ledge, so I clipped that (thankfully) and flopped myself over onto the ledge. From there, it was a pretty straight climb up to the next belay. As I started up, placing a #2 Camalot, Mikey looks down, and says, Hey! Jess, you're leading???? I explained that Brian was having some issues, and that I was forced to take over. Mikey was like, COOL!, I continue up, sling a tree and gain the second belay ledge. ONce up there, I realize that I have just lead the 5.7 crux pitch of the route without even thinking about it. NICE.
Oh, and have I mentioned lately that I am a total geek?
This is the only conceivably explanation for what could possibly possess me to scale the side of Cathedral Ledge this weekend in oppressive heat, humidity, bug-idity and rain. How all of these things could co-exist is a typical New England Weather Mystery, but they did.
I think that this weekend exhibited Hands Down the worst possible climbing weather. But it was some of the best climbing this side of Red Rocks.
Cut to the chase: I lead 3 trad pitches!
I am officially a true climber and not just a poser in Prana pants. (However, these could be the best pants EVER.)
Sunday, we hit Cathedral. Mikey and Mike (the new guy in our group) and Brian and I decided to do fun house. Mikey lead the first pitch easily, and mike followed without incident. Then Brian started up. The wall was a bit wet and he managed to cram himself into the corner and cover his shoes with slime and completely freak himself out. He had placed one nut and then clipped a fixed pin. Luckily, they were both solid, so when he slipped off, it was without incident. He thrashed around a bit more, doing the same thing each time and getting more and more frustrated and spooked. Finally he had me lower him off the pin and said, I can't do this. You want to try?
I could either lead the pitch, or we could go home. So i grabbed the rack and headed up the wall. I had watched Mikey climb and managed to NOT get myself into the same awkward, wet, slimey, position that Brian had gotten into, and instead, stemmed way out on the left side of the dihedral and grabbed a solid and mostly dry flake, Mike had left a cam in the crack right before you climb up over the ledge, so I clipped that (thankfully) and flopped myself over onto the ledge. From there, it was a pretty straight climb up to the next belay. As I started up, placing a #2 Camalot, Mikey looks down, and says, Hey! Jess, you're leading???? I explained that Brian was having some issues, and that I was forced to take over. Mikey was like, COOL!, I continue up, sling a tree and gain the second belay ledge. ONce up there, I realize that I have just lead the 5.7 crux pitch of the route without even thinking about it. NICE.
Oh, and have I mentioned lately that I am a total geek?
Friday, June 10, 2005
I seriously never thought it would come to this
I mean, I know when you get involved with a SuperVillain you also get involved in all sorts of nefarious schemes but, I never, in a million years, thought I would go this far.
Two nights ago, G-Mel and I were pondering on what we should make for dinner. I was fresh from the court room where I subsisted on diet coke and valium, and desperately needed something non-chemical for dinner. We agreed on chicken fingers and french fries (better than valium, for christ's sake.) and I went home to take care of my neglected UnderFizzleKittyButt and G went to the store.
Fast forward through my lazing on the sofa in front of the fan plotting revenge...
Back at the fortress, Gargamel had made CHILI DOGS. Let me say that again: We had HOT DOGS for dinner. I. ATE. HOTDOGS. (They were turkey dogs made out of mechanically separated turkey with turkey chili and turkey cheese. Just kidding.)
The Schooligan did enjoy her weiners.
Two nights ago, G-Mel and I were pondering on what we should make for dinner. I was fresh from the court room where I subsisted on diet coke and valium, and desperately needed something non-chemical for dinner. We agreed on chicken fingers and french fries (better than valium, for christ's sake.) and I went home to take care of my neglected UnderFizzleKittyButt and G went to the store.
Fast forward through my lazing on the sofa in front of the fan plotting revenge...
Back at the fortress, Gargamel had made CHILI DOGS. Let me say that again: We had HOT DOGS for dinner. I. ATE. HOTDOGS. (They were turkey dogs made out of mechanically separated turkey with turkey chili and turkey cheese. Just kidding.)
The Schooligan did enjoy her weiners.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The verdict is: Some people should NEVER wear clingy fabrics
Went to court today to resolve the Great Gas Bill Fiasco of 2005. Surprisingly the hippies showed up. One of them also thoughtfully brought along some print outs of my old blog entries, (Hey guys! How long did it take you to get the drum web up to 11.0 mbps? How much bandwidth can you get from a macrame palnt hanger?) which never actually made it into the discussion. Too bad, I guess Worcester County District Court will have to stalk the Schooligan on their own time.
So anyway, I opted to mediate the situation instead of going before a judge. So we all go into a tiny airless room with a kindly older woman (who had a lot of trouble with math) to mediate. With out getting into the details of who owes who $700, the end result is that los hippos are to pay me $413.62 by June 29. That still leaves me with around $300 owed to the gas company, which I suppose is better than $713. But still...
Can't say I'm thrilled with the situation but at least it is settled. I was remarkably Aggressive-Aggressive and NOT PETTY about the whole thing, which is HUGE for me. You know, me, someone who likes to blog about people and things. You know, people I know and things that happen.
Oh, and i heard that this place supports non-payment of utility bills. FYI...
So anyway, I opted to mediate the situation instead of going before a judge. So we all go into a tiny airless room with a kindly older woman (who had a lot of trouble with math) to mediate. With out getting into the details of who owes who $700, the end result is that los hippos are to pay me $413.62 by June 29. That still leaves me with around $300 owed to the gas company, which I suppose is better than $713. But still...
Can't say I'm thrilled with the situation but at least it is settled. I was remarkably Aggressive-Aggressive and NOT PETTY about the whole thing, which is HUGE for me. You know, me, someone who likes to blog about people and things. You know, people I know and things that happen.
Oh, and i heard that this place supports non-payment of utility bills. FYI...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Judge Patchouli
As you may remember there was a little incident after I moved out of the Hippie House on Crack Lane involving something like THIS:
After several months of deluding myself that no-good hippies might actually DO THE RIGHT THING I was forced back into reality (they didn't) and small claims court. Tomorrow is the big court date, where I go in and try to convince a judge that the HIIPIES MUST PAY!
After several months of deluding myself that no-good hippies might actually DO THE RIGHT THING I was forced back into reality (they didn't) and small claims court. Tomorrow is the big court date, where I go in and try to convince a judge that the HIIPIES MUST PAY!
Monday, June 06, 2005
What's more olde tymey than pecan pie?
Pecan Pie made with Blackstrap Molasses!
I spent the weekend in Shutesbury, MA with Gargamel. As thanks to Gargamel's dad for letting me stay at his place, I offered to bake a pie. I had just gotten a new pie recipe book that contained SECRETS OF PERFECT PIE CRUST, which as anyone knows, are often elusive to even the bettyest of the crockers.
So I offered to make pie. Old Mr. Mel is partial to pecan pie and happened to have some pecans in the freezer. As he was routing through, he noticed that he had some frozen pie shells as well. Gargamel was able to swiftly intervene so I didn't have to get all Ma Ingalls on the poor guy, lecturing about how frozen pie crusts were instruments of the devil.
See, back at Thanksgiving, there was this incident... G and I went out to his dad's to celebrate a belated Thanksgiving with a whole gaggle of his family. I brought my bourbon pecan pie. (The holidays force me to add bourbon to everything: Bourbon Balls, Bourbon Turkey, Bourbon Carrot Sticks!) Some woman ALSO brought pecan pie (sans bourbon)and our competing pies were placed next to one another on the counter. After dinner, (during which time Faux Pie Lady amazed everyone with her interpretation of Antipasto... i.e. jar pickles and lettuce and american cheese! Why you would bring this to the Di Nardi family thanksgiving is unclear) while the pies were being sliced (and mine was being eaten) FPL and I and G got into a conversation about pie. She commented on how easy pecan pie was to make, I mean all you have to do is get one of those frozen pie crusts, make the filling and bake. EASY!
G looked on in amused horror as I set my plate and fork down, looked the woman right in the eye and said with mock innocence, Oh. You don't make your own crust??? She looked at me like I WAS CRAZY and said, Honey, I have four kids, I don't have time to make my own pie crust. I replied, So did Ma Ingalls.
I am such a bitch sometimes.
I spent the weekend in Shutesbury, MA with Gargamel. As thanks to Gargamel's dad for letting me stay at his place, I offered to bake a pie. I had just gotten a new pie recipe book that contained SECRETS OF PERFECT PIE CRUST, which as anyone knows, are often elusive to even the bettyest of the crockers.
So I offered to make pie. Old Mr. Mel is partial to pecan pie and happened to have some pecans in the freezer. As he was routing through, he noticed that he had some frozen pie shells as well. Gargamel was able to swiftly intervene so I didn't have to get all Ma Ingalls on the poor guy, lecturing about how frozen pie crusts were instruments of the devil.
See, back at Thanksgiving, there was this incident... G and I went out to his dad's to celebrate a belated Thanksgiving with a whole gaggle of his family. I brought my bourbon pecan pie. (The holidays force me to add bourbon to everything: Bourbon Balls, Bourbon Turkey, Bourbon Carrot Sticks!) Some woman ALSO brought pecan pie (sans bourbon)and our competing pies were placed next to one another on the counter. After dinner, (during which time Faux Pie Lady amazed everyone with her interpretation of Antipasto... i.e. jar pickles and lettuce and american cheese! Why you would bring this to the Di Nardi family thanksgiving is unclear) while the pies were being sliced (and mine was being eaten) FPL and I and G got into a conversation about pie. She commented on how easy pecan pie was to make, I mean all you have to do is get one of those frozen pie crusts, make the filling and bake. EASY!
G looked on in amused horror as I set my plate and fork down, looked the woman right in the eye and said with mock innocence, Oh. You don't make your own crust??? She looked at me like I WAS CRAZY and said, Honey, I have four kids, I don't have time to make my own pie crust. I replied, So did Ma Ingalls.
I am such a bitch sometimes.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Marketing
So, there has been some recent talk about How do we market the Schooligan?
I mean, for the love of blogging, I would like to do SOMETHING with all of my ridiculousness. "Something" being creating some sort of presence, a concept rather than a product and just assaulting the world with an invitation to the Schooligan Nation.
And my mania. Which is in full force these days. But I blame that on the hair. Whenever I spend obscene amounts of money on vanity I feel like that gives me the right, no OBLIGATION, to mince around feeling fabulous.
The 5RV (that's the color of my hair.) even carried over into my mailbox where I was assaulted but an envelope telling me that had been hand selected to receive some Slimming pantyhose. Like, hey fatty, we can help! But instead of immediately collapsing into a self-loatheing pile of fat, I hung the envelope on my fridge and laughed all the way to the martini shaker.
p.s. I think my sister said it best: you look
fine..youre not fat or big-butted...well maybe a little big-butted but
thats okay!! I still love you!! =)
Schooligan Nation: Where you can be a little big-butted and we will still love you!
I mean, for the love of blogging, I would like to do SOMETHING with all of my ridiculousness. "Something" being creating some sort of presence, a concept rather than a product and just assaulting the world with an invitation to the Schooligan Nation.
And my mania. Which is in full force these days. But I blame that on the hair. Whenever I spend obscene amounts of money on vanity I feel like that gives me the right, no OBLIGATION, to mince around feeling fabulous.
The 5RV (that's the color of my hair.) even carried over into my mailbox where I was assaulted but an envelope telling me that had been hand selected to receive some Slimming pantyhose. Like, hey fatty, we can help! But instead of immediately collapsing into a self-loatheing pile of fat, I hung the envelope on my fridge and laughed all the way to the martini shaker.
p.s. I think my sister said it best: you look
fine..youre not fat or big-butted...well maybe a little big-butted but
thats okay!! I still love you!! =)
Schooligan Nation: Where you can be a little big-butted and we will still love you!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Mommy Drinks Because You Cry
I annoy very easily.
Today's List of Top Annoyances includes:
1. The 5.24 am UnderFoot wake up call. The thing about cats is that you can't really reason with them. Not that I can reason with much of anything at that hour, but cats are especially impossible. Oh and she ate my last Pillsbury Crescent Roll! That bitch.
2. Myspace messages like this one: u look like a red head and u look great in your high heels pic. woo hoo with ya so naughty look at the camera.
Uhhhh, I don't even know where to begin with that one. Thanks? I mean, I have explicitly said that unless you want me to publicly mock you, please do not send me gramatically suspect messages. What more must I do?
Oh, but do I really look like redhead? Tell me the truth.
3. The copy machine in the hallway outside my area upon which some clown afixed a sign reading, PLEASE FIX ME. Of course, the task fell to the girl in the pink dress and white cardigan who wanted nothing more than to be covered with TONER.
4. This.
But if you are a good little Schooligan, behind every major annoyance is a guy with Mad Photoshop Skillz and a whole lotta free time...
Today's List of Top Annoyances includes:
1. The 5.24 am UnderFoot wake up call. The thing about cats is that you can't really reason with them. Not that I can reason with much of anything at that hour, but cats are especially impossible. Oh and she ate my last Pillsbury Crescent Roll! That bitch.
2. Myspace messages like this one: u look like a red head and u look great in your high heels pic. woo hoo with ya so naughty look at the camera.
Uhhhh, I don't even know where to begin with that one. Thanks? I mean, I have explicitly said that unless you want me to publicly mock you, please do not send me gramatically suspect messages. What more must I do?
Oh, but do I really look like redhead? Tell me the truth.
3. The copy machine in the hallway outside my area upon which some clown afixed a sign reading, PLEASE FIX ME. Of course, the task fell to the girl in the pink dress and white cardigan who wanted nothing more than to be covered with TONER.
4. This.
But if you are a good little Schooligan, behind every major annoyance is a guy with Mad Photoshop Skillz and a whole lotta free time...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Some say the world will end in fire...
Some say ice.
From what I've sampled of the fucking Wintergreen sore muscle rub,
I hold with those who favor fire.
Yeah, so after 2 days of quasi-hard climbing, I was pretty sore. Gargamel lured me out to Western Mass with the promise of dinner, a roaring fire and a back rub. Little did I suspect that I would be on fire. After dinner and fire, he rubbed THIS into my aching muscles. It felt pretty good. Cool and hot at the same time. I felt my aches relaxing away...
And then all of a sudden it was like my back was on COLD FIRE and someone had injected icicles into my veins. OH. MY. GOD. I huddled under a pile of blankets, and burned and shivered. It was like I was in Antarctic Hell. G ran me a hot shower and I stood under the hot water until I felt the icy burn subside enough that I could get back into bed*.
Lesson learned: Use sparingly.
*My back does feel loads better today, and it cleared up my sinuses. But at what a price!
From what I've sampled of the fucking Wintergreen sore muscle rub,
I hold with those who favor fire.
Yeah, so after 2 days of quasi-hard climbing, I was pretty sore. Gargamel lured me out to Western Mass with the promise of dinner, a roaring fire and a back rub. Little did I suspect that I would be on fire. After dinner and fire, he rubbed THIS into my aching muscles. It felt pretty good. Cool and hot at the same time. I felt my aches relaxing away...
And then all of a sudden it was like my back was on COLD FIRE and someone had injected icicles into my veins. OH. MY. GOD. I huddled under a pile of blankets, and burned and shivered. It was like I was in Antarctic Hell. G ran me a hot shower and I stood under the hot water until I felt the icy burn subside enough that I could get back into bed*.
Lesson learned: Use sparingly.
*My back does feel loads better today, and it cleared up my sinuses. But at what a price!
Obligatory Rumney Recap
On Sunday, the Reverend, Boulder and I headed up to Rumney for some climbing. Along the way we picked up Ben and Mike and then lost them somewhere around the main parking lot. Once everyone was regrouped we headed to Orange Crush where I goaded Ben into leading an obscenely wet 5.8 (It totally looked dry from where I was standing). But just to be a good sport, I lead it as well. We then had the brilliant idea of rapelling down to Lower New Wave instead of walking the 25 yards and managed to lower ourselves right into a group of very perplexed hikers.
After playing around on some more easy stuff, I get the bright idea to lead this 5.11a, you know, cause it was there. Of course I can't get past the crux which was pulling up and over a roof, but I do attract some attention by falling off about a jillion times in a row. Ben eventually finishes the route, but only to get his quickdraws back.
The next day we do the death march up to the Hinterlands where I manage to A) spook myself climbing Dolt (5.9) by finally admitting that all the rock is super loose and B) Flail shamelessly on a 5.11c/d. I have this thing where if someone sets a top rope, there is no reason I shouldn't try the climb, so I am frequently involved in these major flail fests. About the 47th go at the crux, Mikey calls up to me, You're climbing much harder these days. I didn't get the move, but I did feel like slightly less of a three legged water buffalo.
We finished the day at Jimmy Cliff where I surprised myself by flashing Hammond Organ (5.10d). I thought, I'm exhausted, there is no way I can climb this, but I did. And it was surprisingly doable. Climbing that made all the mosquito swatting and scratching at huge red welts entirely worth it.
End Geek Rant.
After playing around on some more easy stuff, I get the bright idea to lead this 5.11a, you know, cause it was there. Of course I can't get past the crux which was pulling up and over a roof, but I do attract some attention by falling off about a jillion times in a row. Ben eventually finishes the route, but only to get his quickdraws back.
The next day we do the death march up to the Hinterlands where I manage to A) spook myself climbing Dolt (5.9) by finally admitting that all the rock is super loose and B) Flail shamelessly on a 5.11c/d. I have this thing where if someone sets a top rope, there is no reason I shouldn't try the climb, so I am frequently involved in these major flail fests. About the 47th go at the crux, Mikey calls up to me, You're climbing much harder these days. I didn't get the move, but I did feel like slightly less of a three legged water buffalo.
We finished the day at Jimmy Cliff where I surprised myself by flashing Hammond Organ (5.10d). I thought, I'm exhausted, there is no way I can climb this, but I did. And it was surprisingly doable. Climbing that made all the mosquito swatting and scratching at huge red welts entirely worth it.
End Geek Rant.
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